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Modern Misogyny for the Discerning Dickhead: Wife = Domesticated Pet

The following is satire. Sorry I have to make the disclaimer, but we live in a world of creampuffs and pusscakes. Let's all have a good laugh.

Welcome to the premiere episode of Modern Misogyny for the Discerning Dickhead, in which we reach into the mailbag to provide an answer for one lucky reader's burning question. Today's mailbag question comes to us from Dan out of Ohio, in the good old U.S. of A!

Dan asks:

Dear Sir,

My bride to be and I have been basically betrothed since we were young. Now, our parents are arranging the wedding and she's been on about this whole "I'm not into men," thing. Her mom seems to be leaning toward calling the whole thing off. She's one prime choice piece of top shelf puss, and I've been looking forward to giving her the junk for a while now. What's your advice?

Thanks for the write-in, Dan. It sounds like you've got a classic case of a bitch listening too much to her "cunt feelings."

Now, first, we do have to acknowledge that lesbians are a thing. For the purposes of entertainment, I am inclined to get behind a good lezzing off. The entertainment value is heightened significantly when only one of the girls is actually into it, while the other is at least reluctant, if not outright unwilling. Therefore, I wouldn't despair too much about your top shelf piece of puss not wanting the dick, because this works both ways.

There are few pleasures in life so gratifying as cocking a lesbian and I think you're in for a real treat here. My advice is to work on mom and the daughter together, first. A quick roofie of the pair of them can net you some great blackmail photos, if you position the two of them in such a way that the photos look like a genuine incestuous lezfest.

If this is an arranged wedding, I'm guessing there's some religious reason, or your families have some wealth and prominence. In that position, mom will do about anything to keep from a public shaming. She'll lean on your bride and that will solve one problem.

Next, you're going to want to set your new pet straight. Reassure her that there will be no shortage of extra pussy in your marriage. In fact, she'll be licking a great deal of cunt as she tongues your sperm from the gashes of other sluts that you'll be fucking. If you aren't fucking other sluts, well, why are you even writing in to this program?

The blackmail photos will go a long way toward getting her onboard with the idea that a wife is basically another form of domesticated pet. Get her involved in the wedding plans by taking her out shopping and helping her try on different dog collars. Make sure you get lots of photos in different styles and colors, so that you can review them together later.

Let her know that this piece of kit will be a regular, daily part of her wardrobe, so she should have several different ones to match any outfits that you decide she gets to wear. That is, when she is allowed clothes. A secondary trip to find the right kennel for her will follow. You'll want to pick up a model with bars large enough to fit a variety of toys through. Dildoes, cattle prods, fingers, an entire hand, those sorts of things. Getting her involved is what any good owner, er, husband should do.

Let her know that you respect her sexual preference, but that's exactly what it is. A preference. A solid chastity belt should be on your shopping list, pronto. Get that on her so that you can ensure she's not getting her pussy worked on by another twat leading up to the wedding. Give a key to her mother. If she needs to get her cunt off, she'll need to ask her mother to do it for her.

Remind mother of your photos. Mother, using her mouth, should be the only woman allowed to make your bride cum in the weeks or months leading to the wedding. Then, only under your supervision (which will be filmed) and only while your new pet is watching a steady stream of rape porn. These actions will provide you further evidence that your wife and her mother are just another pair of sluts and fake lesbians that are secretly getting off to degrading, straight porn.

While this training is ongoing, have your pet make a list of everyone in her life that she looks up to, admires, and respects. The list should contain email addresses, phone numbers and social media, if applicable. Keep this list for a rainy day and let her know that any hint of disobedience will result in one person from that list receiving your special package, along with an invitation to rape her in her sleep. This should ensure further obedience.

It's my opinion that this will create a firm foundation for starting your marriage, one in which she understands her proper role as a fucktoy, breeding cow, and decoration. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, a whole bunch of pictures and videos of a purported lesbian getting off to rape porn is worth a lot more than that.

Now, let's get an opinion from our Female Empowerment and Culture Expert, Bound Brenda. Over to you, Brenda!

Bound Brenda

Thanks, Brenda. Great insight, as always. Well, that does it for today's show. Make sure to join us again for another helpful answer to one of our reader's questions from the mailbag. As always, I'm Dr. Dick, along with Bound Brenda, and this has been Modern Misogyny for the Discerning Dickhead.


This piece is done in the spirit of humor. All people, regardless of sexual preference, identity, ethnicity, or religion deserve respect, kindness and positive support. No person deserves abuse or disdain because they love someone of another gender. We should all respect one another's life choices, until those choices cause actual physical, emotional or psychological harm to others. In that case, seek help. Don't be an abuser. Don't let yourself be abused. You're worth more than that, even if it's hard for you to see it sometimes.


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